Галагазета | Today's Horoscope

Today's Horoscope
Karan`, 3 декабря 2012 г., 8:19

Let's check out today's fortune.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your relatives may try to have you committed today. Luckily, through a series of amusing misadventures, they will fail.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
A close relative will be seriously injured today, when a man dressed as a huge shrimp abandons his post at the opening of a seafood restaurant, steals an experimental hovercraft, and crashes it into your relative's motor vehicle. The worst part is that the insurance company will refuse to pay a cent.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to compliment your friends. If you can't think of anything else to say, tell them they're looking "very buff". That will leave them pleased, but slightly uneasy and they'll spend a lot of time looking in the mirror.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Another day of social convention defiance, today. You'll refuse to wear clothes in the normal fashion (if at all), and you'll begin all your business correspondence: "My darling snookum's".

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will be hit on the head by a carton of yogurt today, which will not strike you as being the least bit funny at the time.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
A handsome man is not all he seems. Because, in fact, he is not handsome. Book yourself an optician's appointment as soon as you can, but travel there by bus.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Excellent day to fritter things away.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Good day to make Thai food, just don't drink water.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will meet someone with a really "cute" sneeze.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
HOT DOG DAY # 3! "The Revenge of THE HOT DOG". Today you'll learn to make a really killer recipe of HOT DOG (temp 78 degrees Celsius), which will contain both Cheese and DOG's poop inside.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Good day to bring home a bag or two of live bugs.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror. If you see nothing, be open to the possibility you may be a vampire. Avoid silver bullets.

Author: Me

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