Alvin Abbey Versus The Republic
`teflon`, 9 октября 2013 г., 7:31

"Court rise!" the marshal shouted, announcing the magistrate's entry. The magistrate promptly sat down, ready to see to the cases before him. He went through a few of these quickly and, after dispatching them, announced: "We shall now hear the case 'The Republic versus Alvin Abbey Esquire'. We give audience to the accused".

A rather short, rotund man was brought into the court room by only one unarmed policewoman. He was not even handcuffed and did not look in any way offensive. The marshal called the people to order as they giggled. The room was by then a sea of faces leaving standing room only for late arrivals.

The magistrate then said: "Mr. Alvin Abbey, after these many appearances before me, I hope I'll not see you here again. You are accused of insulting behaviour and breach of peace. The prosecution have already made their case and you have pleaded not guilty. You have now the right to put in your defense. Do you have counsel to do this for you? "No!" Alvin immediately shouted. "I will speak in my own defence now and at anytime; I do not need any lawyers to speak for me".

"Well, can you tell me why?" the magistrate asked.

"Your Worship, no lawyers were around when I did what I am accused of. I cannot therefore see how they can give a true report on what they did not see. Your Worship, I will not act like the complainants who needed the police to prosecute me. You see, the police were nowhere near when what they accused me of happened. Can the police be trusted to tell the truth? They have never been truthful. With them, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be..." The crowd roared with laughter and the magistrate had to conceal a smile.

 Alvin resumed his defense. "Your worship, the people have accused me of insulting behaviour but I accused them of being indecent because they treat me indecently. I am the most highly educated in the community and therefore deserve some respect. Instead they ridicule me and say I am demented. As I trudge along, they pull faces at me. Some call me Rolling Joe because I am tiny and rotund. Now, who is mad? Living here is like being in a nuthouse. Your Worship, my dictionary tells me 'flammable' and 'inflammable' have the same meaning. Then can there be any difference between 'sane' and 'insane'...?"

The marshal could no longer maintain order and the magistrate adjourned the trial.

As the furious policewoman dragged Alvin away, shouts of "Rolling Joe! Rolling Joe!!!" filled the air. For the first time, Mr. Abbey raised his arm in victory.

Author: Me

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