g570145294, 28 января 2018 г., 8:56
"Why don't you take a week off, Gabe?" I check my watch, hearing nothing relevant to what just happened: it's only 8:20pm. Not my usual time for departure from this rotten office. I can only wish that this flirty six-foot manager would leave; vanish, if I may be allowed to hope so. She had been in my office for the past 55 minutes. All that stuck in my mind was the fact that we are starting anew on this plan that had me spending almost 15 hours daily in hard work. "You see, the other programmers said they would try to work on the bug. Maybe the test was wrong, I'm not sure either. But I am confident that it'll be fixed just in time for the launch, especially with you heading it." These statements would've been music to my ears 3 weeks ago. I was promoted chief software engineer by my womanizer boss, probably just to take some of the loaded projects off him and do his 'thing.’ I regret taking the job now. I think I deserve the promotion, but not this sudden disaster. "You know what? Forget about the week ahead, why don't we go out tonight for a couple of drinks? I'm buyi--" "Thanks for the offer, ma'am, but I really should be going. I hope you enjoy your evening." I wish to be as swift as a ninja. I can feel her piercing look at the back of my head as I turn for the door and leave before her. 9:18pm. Disgusted as hell at the recent dilemma, I realize I still have to eat. I settled to order for a take-out dinner at this nearby drive-thru. I wait. I wait some more. This other car behind me had a loud song playing over a rolled-down window. "I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out, I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while.." Tsshhh. What could actually compel a person to be a cheeseball and play such song at full blast? I instantly thought of one person, and her image faintly stayed in my mind. I sighed. An hour later, I find myself sitting on one of the tables inside a different restaurant. I realized I wasn't in the mood for fries or a burger - I was in serious hunger for salad. I haven't eaten a single vegetable for weeks, and I wonder how in the world my food preference drastically changed after the promotion. With the rate that I have now on buying and consuming take-out dinners, it is absolutely safe to say I will die earlier than expected and find a carbfull of junk in my DNA samples. I went home with a take-out salad in tow, and I drove with little attention on the road. This project is killing me! Why did it have to fail at this perfect moment, especially when the product launch is mere days away? My phone suddenly rang. 'Six-foot Flirt,’ it says on the screen. I ignored it. She tried to get me answer it after three missed calls and two text messages, but it's useless. 11:38pm. I reach home with exhaustion past endurance. I promised myself that if I ever get to survive in my sleep and wake up tomorrow, I will immediately quit that fucking job. I can see clearly now why my other officemates warned me about this job: it can burn away your soul. Sigh. I can only wish for another sick, fucking, reta-- Incoming call. I ignore it, knowing it was my manager once again. I get up, went to the bathroom, took a shower, and took a long look at my exhausted face. "Good ol' Gabe, you're gonna be skinned alive for the next five days. Why not call a pimp now, since you know you're gonna rot later?" Ugh. I went to bed after watching a bit of news, because I pretend to care. I looked out the window and saw that the sky was loaded with stars, which was pretty unusual for this night. It's been raining cats, dogs, and pot-bellied pigs since last week, so I was expecting a cloudy night sky. Tonight was an exception though, and for a while I felt relaxed, just staring at the shiny white dots. Artless, yet beautiful stars. As I lay my head on the window sill, I realized my phone kept ringing all this time. I went to check it out, and sure enough, it was six-foot flirt. I pushed the 'end call' button. Some people just don't get the term 'fuck-off.’ I scrolled down through my messages, and after marking some stubborn conversations for delete, I found one sender I never expected. Ever. "JANE" "Read?" "Delete?" A hurtful memory quickly popped into my head, and I knew for sure I still haven't forgotten what happened. Most importantly, I haven't forgotten what she did. And she texted at this perfect moment, right when I'm at my coldest. "Read." "JANE says: Hey.." One word. Doesn't even mean a thing. Why should I reply? Is it really that hard to hold back, Gabe? Damn it! I was already hearing the ring on the other side of the line when I realized I screwed myself big time. What am I gonna tell her? 'This is the guy you turned down calling, I just want to say never "hey" me again else I'm gonna get 100 monkeys to hike-kick you in your pretty face?’ Oh shit, I seriously need help. "Hello?" Her voice was soft, and I detected a slightly nervous tone. Hesitant to answer, perhaps? "Hey... Can't sleep?" I tried to sound composed even if my wits and nerves have gone haywire. "Can't sleep. Can't sleep either, huh?" What's with the 21 questions, Jane? "Can't sleep either..." I can only hope she brings up a good topic now. Suddenly, I remembered her eagerness for conversation; we never ran out of topic every time we spent time together. Before. "We're two birds of a feather, then..." and she chuckled, a sound I didn't expect to heal me momentarily. How odd. With a frown, I wondered what she might be doing this late at night. I tried to ask, but she asked another question. "Um...don't you have classes in the morning?" “Nope, I have the entire week off” I answer. I never really expected to go on this long but since I'm the one who called first, I might as well ask her. “How’ve you been, Jane?” I faintly heard her take a deep breath. She paused for a while. Maybe she would hung up now? "Good, I'm good. And you?" “I’m feeling great, actually. I just got a promotion,” I answer casually, smiling stupidly as I do so. “That sounds really great,” she says, perhaps more enthusiastically than expected. “I’m really happy for you, Gabe.” “Thanks. So what’s been keeping you busy these days?” I really should think of better questions. “A lot of things. Me and the gang are still trying to tick local provinces off our list.” “Some things never really change, do they?” I tried to laugh without sarcasm. “Yeah,” she answers, then came my favorite chuckle. “You know, Cara and Tricia… they miss you.” The kids, yeah. I didn't expect that. Those little monsters who make fun and wrestle me every time I visit her, miss me? “I miss them too.” I smiled at the thought of them, those little girls whom I asked to give some presents to Jane in exchange of a wild, Dominatrix doll. I sighed. “You should come by and visit them sometime,” Jane suggested. I thought for a moment for a better response. How the hell can I afford a visit especially now that I have to work double time for that damned project? “I will. And soon, I hope,' I answer with one eyelid closed. I hope she'll buy it. Suddenly my brain was coming up with different alibis to tell my boss. “Promise?” she asks with a bit of longing. I can't say no now, can't I? Double screwed. “Promise,” I answer. Looking to avoid promising to worse requests, I asked for a different question. “How’s May, by the way?” “Well, she’s playing the piano better now. She’s becoming better than you, actually,” she jokes, and this time I laugh without hesitation. “I remember she used to tell me about her dreams...” I tell her, and I tried to explain to her in detail about the flying cow and the beef-loving dominatrix doll when she suddenly cut me off. “A shooting star,” she says out of nowhere, having no idea what she was referring to. “What?” She answered after a long uncomfortable pause. “I saw a shooting star.” “Oh. Did you wish on it?” “Yup.” “Well... what did you wish for?” “Something I can’t have.” I thought of something she might be referring to, but I forced that idea to vanish. “Who knows, you might just get it.” “I hope so,” she answered with a deep sigh. How long have we been talking? I only realized that when I saw the wall clock. 2:52am. This night is really weird. “Hey, Jane?” I start, but I hesitate for a while. Such request is stupid. “Hmm?” “Can you sing me to sleep?” I was absolutely sure she would hang up on me right then, but I can't seem to help myself to hear her sing for me again, especially now that I'm talking to her. “Sure.” And she started to hum -- not sing -- "Fly", which of all songs is the one she deliberately chose. When she reached the chorus part, I am taken to the past. With her, I was a different Gabe: unconstrained, happy. And I remembered that moment when she said yes, skipping that major trip just to celebrate with me. Celebrate, for us... That's when I realized I don't really hate her, it was me who wished for things to stay the same. I never wanted it to change, or for someone to paint another picture or write a different story. What happened between us was unfortunate, yes, but I know now that it was essential for us to realize each other's worth: my slowly-fading worth to her, and her ever-growing worth in me. It took me this circumstance and phone call to realize that after a long time, I was falling for her all over again, regardless of what happened. In my dreams, I heard her say "I love you". "I love you more, Jane," I tried to say, but my voice was lost as the lovely hum faded.
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